oknokerdesis: why you’re not asking for that promotion

Jan 29

Written By Erika R

Fun fact: I almost didn't write this post. Why? Because I thought it was "too out there." (Oh, the irony of having oknokerdesis about writing about oknokerdesis!)

Sometimes naming a feeling is the first step to overcoming it. That's why I've coined a term for that paralyzing hesitation that keeps us from pursuing professional growth:

oknokerdesis
/ əʊ'noʊ kər'desis /
Etymology: Drawing from Ancient Greek ὀκνέω (okneo) "to hesitate" + κέρδος (kerdos) "progress, advancement" +‎ -σις (-sis) "action, process."
Noun:
1. (archaic) The act of hesitating or shrinking back from asking for what you truly deserve.
2. (reclaimed) The transformative process of moving through one's hesitation to pursue professional advancement, particularly in moments requiring self-advocacy.

(And yes, it's no accident that it sounds like "oh no!" – that's exactly what your inner critic whispers when opportunity knocks.)

You might be experiencing oknokerdesis if:

You've mastered the art of quietly hoping someone notices your hard work (spoiler alert: they probably won't)
You've drafted and deleted that "Can we discuss my growth?" email multiple times
Your go-to response to compliments is "I'm just doing my job"
Your LinkedIn feed feels like everyone else's highlight reel while you're still waiting for "the right moment"
You're reading this and feeling personally attacked (don't worry, I've been there!)

Here's the truth: nobody's a mind reader. That brilliant project you're killing? Those extra hours you're putting in? They're invisible unless you make them visible. Let's break through that oknokerdesis together.

4 steps to beat oknokerdesis:

**Step 1: Know thyself (like, really know thyself)**

Before you draft that career email, pause. The foundation of confidence isn't bravado – it's clarity. And clarity requires brutal honesty about where you actually stand:

Start with your track record: What measurable impact have you made in your current role? Where have you genuinely exceeded expectations vs. just meeting them? Which of your contributions are truly unique, and which are expected at your level?
Examine your aspirations: Beyond title and paycheck (both valid needs!), what actually energizes you? What skills and experiences make you ready for the next level? Where do you still have significant gaps to fill? Be honest with yourself.
Finally, check your alignment: How do your goals map to company needs? Is your desired growth possible in your current environment? Are you being realistic about timing? What are your non-negotiables?

Don't skip this Step – it's the difference between asking for what you think you should want and what you actually deserve. The goal isn't to diminish your ambitions, but to ground them in reality so you can build a compelling case.

Step 2: Get real about the market

Look beyond your company's walls to understand where you stand:

Research comparable roles, their scope and compensation: What roles exist that align with your trajectory? Beyond simple titles, what's the actual scope of these positions? How do companies structure similar roles differently? How are they compensated?
Connect with peers in your network for honest feedback: Be strategic about gathering feedback. Start with trusted colleagues, then expand to 3-5 people with relevant experience. Look for patterns in their responses - these become your reality check.
Identify any skill gaps you need to address: Where do your capabilities truly stand against market expectations? What experiences are you missing? Which skills need deepening versus broadening?

Step 3: Shape the conversation

Stop asking your boss for opportunities. Start showing how you've already seized them.

Your script:

"Here's how my role has evolved:" [Name 3 major responsibilities you've taken on]
"This has delivered:" [2-3 concrete impacts with metrics]
"This year, I aim to:" [Propose business-aligned scope increase/expansion]
"I'd like to discuss:" [Specific title/band/number]

Example: "I'm now managing our entire major gifts portfolio, including donor strategy and stewardship programming. This has resulted in a 30% increase in donor retention and $2M in new multi-year commitments. This year, I’ll scale our major gifts program by implementing a moves management system and launch our first principal gifts strategy for $1M+ prospects. I'd like to discuss moving to Senior Director of Development with compensation at [range] to reflect this expanded scope.

No hedging. No emotional appeals. Just clear business value and a specific request.

Step 4: Embrace and operationalize "No"

My mom used to tell me something that took years to truly understand: "Just ask. The worst they can say is 'no'."

Here's where it gets interesting: Say oknokerdesis again, but pronounce that 'k' distinctly:

"oh-KAY-no-ker-DEE-sis."

Hear it? It's genuinely “OK” to hear "no."

More than OK, actually – it's valuable.

Every "no" is just helpful data in your decision-making process. Want to know where your skills need strengthening? Is your growth what the company actually needs right now? Can you wait around until the timing is better? Do your ambitions align with the company’s capacity?

A "no" (from either yourself or your boss) is a real signpost that helps you start defining your path forward. Start with a small ask if you’re feeling nervous, but start somewhere. The goal isn't to eliminate oknokerdesis – it's to recognize it, name it, and act despite it. Because hearing "no" doesn't mean you’re stuck – it means you've already moved forward by having the courage to ask.